Qualities rediscovered

Reflecting back on the last few years I am discovering self qualities or characteristics that I was unaware of. Do any of us really know ourselves?
I remember having a conversation with my GP a while back. I was feeling a little sorry for myself as can happen. She looked through my medical records and then looked at me and said. Tom look at what you have come through, and how you always come back. She pointed out to me my resilience and I am very grateful to her for that.
I had a psychotherapy session just a few days ago. This lady is really good and she talks to cancer patients to help them get through the voyage. That’s her job. She listens and she mirrors. We discuss lots of things, life, philosophy, poetry whatever. And sometimes we discuss cancer. But it is good that we talk about lots of subjects. She showed me how deep I was and how I have always been. I had forgotten. I had been told that by people throughout my life but never really accepted it.
I have often wondered have I got through the ‘horrors’ and ‘rapids’ of chemotherapy but those two ladies have helped me realise that resilience and depth were important tools.
We all have those qualities, we need to cultivate depth we need to believe in ourselves, we need to make efforts to understand ourselves and our minds.
“An unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates

Witnessing Life

As usual I will start by remarking on how long it is since I last posted … I have an urge to express myself in writing (always but particularly tonight) – Have a blogging colleague (for want of a better term) Linnea https://outlivinglungcancer.com/author/linnea11/ who shares a similar journey to mine and blogs frequently and elegantly and is inspiring so here goes ….

This is not so much a ‘cancer’ blog but more a reflection on life (however it is also informed by my cancer experiences). I went to ARC Cancer support today to see Suzy (a psycho-oncologist) – Told her things I don’t think I ever told anyone before – Nothing secret just how I met Sylvie (my wife, partner, better-half and whatever you’re having yourself) and re-met her and my adventures in Morocco and Paris and fate (or was it) – Did I ‘engineer’ it all? – Funny how things work out. It was good to remember those things and helpful to me in understanding myself. We went further back to my earlier days and things start to make sense. …

Anyway, I also talked about my sense of being a witness in the world – Just Watching, Observing, Seeing – In essence in so far as I can, just enjoying life, experiencing it, marveling at it all.

Some mornings it can be hard to get up but it is always worth it – Never know what is going to happen. See a flower, remember talking to a park keeper in passing – He told me what he was doing (planting Fritilerria bulbs) months ago. They are flowering now and gorgeous but one needs to be observing to see them they are so small. Not a major event but isn’t that why we are here – To be part of the ‘Creation’, to Witness it, To Live

As always please enjoy your life – Don’t take it TOO seriously but seriously enough (quand meme). Drink the best wine first (priorities) and if going to cinema go and see western ‘The Sisters Brothers’ – a great western ……